Letter to Santa

*Unlike my usual reviews, this is a joke for a friend.*

Dear Santa:

I hope you and Mrs. Claus and the elves and reindeer are all doing well. I hear the North Pole may be a bit warmer than usual. Does this interfere with your operations?

I have been a good girl. I don’t smoke and drink only on Saturday night with pizza and a bad movie or maybe as a secret ingredient with some hot chocolate. As for swearing—well, at least I’ve paid all my bills on time this year. And my cat gets fed on time regardless of what he tells you.

I want to thank you for your presents last Christmas of another year of good health with my dearly beloved. The roof over our heads and a full, working fridge were also good things. I’d like to keep those going for next year. Now about the slender me and the fat bank account—it seems you confused those two.

The first item on my list this year is for my friend of many years, A. D-G. He asks for a winning lottery ticket. It will make him happy, and I’m sure he’ll put the winnings to good use.

The next item is to remind our elected officials that they work for us, the people, the demos in democracy. The demos come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. English may not be our first language. We may practice a religion other than evangelical Christianity—or no religion at all.

Those who don’t like working for the demos can get other jobs, preferably ones that involve a shovel, a mop and bucket, or phrases such as “Would you like fries with that, sir/ma’am?” Not that these jobs are anything to be ashamed of. It’s just that the ex-officials haven’t learned the dignity of those jobs and could really use the gift of that understanding.

I think that about wraps my letter up for this year. Will I promise to work on the swearing? Of course, if you want me to, but with this much practice, I think I’ve nearly perfected it.

Please give my best to Mrs. Claus!