Review of “Wizards of the Lost Kingdom” (1985)

This is our Saturday pizza and bad movie offering. The pizza was yummy. We watched this insult to the nation’s youth with Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Plot:

The movie opens with a torchlit army marching under arches in a concrete (?) wall.

“It was an age of magic,” announces the narration while a guy in a hood bangs a gong and a glowing green something resolves into a guy in a red cloak. A woman watches. “An age of sorcery.” Outside, in the daytime, mounted men enter a gate and push through a peasant crowd. “An age of chaos.” Various brawls take place inside and out. “Wizard fought against wizard…and warrior against warrior for the great sword of power.”

And that, boys and girls, is how Tylor (Augusto Larreta) became king. Not that it matters much. Tylor is betrayed by his queen Udea (Barbara Stock), who invites the evil sorcerer Shurka (Thom Christopher) to take over the Kingdom of Axeholme.

Tylor and Udea’s daughter, Aura (Dolores Michaels), wants to marry Simon (Vidal Peterson), the son of the king’s sorcerer, Wulfrik (Edgardo Moreira). Simon is lukewarm. Given that they’re both about fourteen, this is downright creepy. But, onward.

When the evil sorcerer attacks, Wulfrik is killed after a magic battle. Nevertheless, he gives Simon a magic ring and teleports him and Gulfax (Edgardo Moreira again), an inarticulate sort of white Wookie/giant teddy bear. Simon understands him. Simon loses the ring, leading the newly installed Shurka to send his servants out looking for the ring. Those who fail…suffice to say, a servant shortage may be in the offing.

Gulfax and Simon meet up with Kor the Conquerer (Bo Svenson). Kor is at first reluctant to help but demonstrates the ability to kill bad guys by, well, pushing them over or something.

Together, they have some challenging adventures. Kor lectures Simon on the meaning of life and insults Gulfax. And they all lived happily ever after. Yeah.

Thoughts:

 The casual misogyny of the film didn’t bother me half as much as its utter, unredeemable banality. The opening battle scenes have nothing to do with the rest of the plot. Simon awakens dead soldiers to raise an army to help them storm the castle to regain power. Kor shakes his finger at him and tells him—dead or alive—soldiers deserve respect.

Kor neglects to mention that he has people after him. These people look like the Knights of Who Say Nee. When they finally catch up to him, the viewer learns that the pursuit has to do with an affair of the heart. Kor handles it with all the delicate tact and diplomacy such matters require. That is, the scene is utterly stupid. Simon saves the day.

A climactic magic battle occurs at the end of the film, where the bad guy receives his comeuppance. The special effects are not overwhelming, but the acting is in earnest.

One of the film’s writers, Ed Naha, later remarked that much of the battle sequences that open the film are stock footage from Sorceress (1982) and Deathstalker (1983). Not too surprisingly, these have nothing to do with the rest of the flick.

This is an insulting, trite film that suffers from the fatal flaw of being boring. Nah. IMHO, give it a wide berth.

Title: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

Directed by
Héctor Olivera
Alan Holleb…(uncredited)

Writing Credits
Ed Naha…(screenplay) (as Tom Edwards)

Cast (in credits order)
Bo Svenson…Kor
Vidal Peterson…Simon
Thom Christopher…Shurka
Barbara Stock…Udea
María Socas…Acrasia
Dolores Michaels…Aura
Edgardo Moreira…Wulfrick / Old Simon / Gulfax (as Edward Morrow)

Released: 1985
Length: 1 hour, 12 minutes