This Saturday night pizza and bad movie lived up to its name. I have to be honest and say that I couldn’t finish watching it. The schlock didn’t get to me—though there was plenty of that.
Plot:
The viewer first sees two men make a deal for an unseen exotic creature to be exhibited in a sideshow. While it’s loaded into the back of the carnival man’s truck, the creature makes pleading noises that sound almost human.
David Blake (Dirk Benedict) is a fair-to-partly college biology student, who gets an offer to intern with the renowned herpetologist Dr. Carl Stoner (Strother Martin). He jumps at the chance.
Dr. Stoner (the man who sold the exotic creature earlier), standing amid his glass cages of snakes, tells his daughter Kristina (Heather Menzies-Urich) to expect a new lab assistant.
“What happened to the guy who was here?” she asks.
Yeah. Wonder what happened.
Her father gives some vague answer. Oh, ya know. Plans changed.
When Dr. Stoner picks up the new assistant from the airport, he forgets to warn him about the pet snake he keeps loose in the truck. He also forgets to warn the gas station attendant. Hilarity ensues.
Back home at the lab, Dr. Stoner shows the newbie around the lab, including the king cobra. After extolling the virtues of the huge snake, he holds up a mongoose in a cage close enough that the animal hisses. Yeah, that’s class.
Dr. Stoner gives the new assistant a series of injections, claiming they will help give him resistance to snake venom. Yeah, resistance.
To raise funds, Dr. Stoner puts on shows for the public. He milks the king cobra for its venom while a crowd watches. People slip money into donation jars.
I closed my eyes during this scene, though I knew no one was hurt.
Once this scene was over, I asked the dearly beloved how invested he was in seeing the movie to the end. When he said, “Not at all,” we shut it off.
Thoughts:
It’s hard to put into words why I couldn’t keep watching. I can’t blame my cuddly feelings for snakes, which are no more substantial than the tooth fairy’s wings. Yet, I don’t see pissing off an innocent mongoose or milking a king cobra as cool things to watch.
I understand the usefulness of milking venomous snakes and respect the brave souls and agile bodies who do it. I guess I just don’t find the process entertaining. Does that make me squeamish? Yeah, maybe. And?
Or, I just didn’t see it as a good enough reason to keep critters from going about their critterly ways.
I couldn’t find this movie available for streaming. A couple trailers are available, but I frankly didn’t have the heart to post them. Just ICK.
Title: Sssssss (1973)
Directed by
Bernard L. Kowalski
Writing Credits
Hal Dresner…(screenplay)
Daniel C. Striepeke…(story) (as Dan Striepeke)
Cast (in credits order)
Strother Martin…Dr. Carl Stoner
Dirk Benedict…David Blake
Heather Menzies-Urich…Kristina Stoner (as Heather Menzies)
Richard B. Shull…Dr. Ken Daniels
Tim O’Connor…Kogen
Released: 1973
Length: 1 hour, 39 minutes
Review of “The General” (1926)
A friend of my dearly beloved has been involved in the restoration of an old theater in Fullerton, California, for some years. The theater was originally built in 1925, in the days of silent movies. My dearly beloved remembers seeing movies there in the 80s.
As a treat for some friends (and in hopes of raising some funds), this friend invited a group of friends to view the silent movie The General starring Buster Keaton.
The restoration is still in progress, but one very nice addition is the restrooms across from the main auditorium. Unfortunately, the designations for “ladies” and “gentlemen” have yet to be put up. Pushing on the mystery door, I had a 50-50 chance of having to say, “Oh, excuse me, sir.” Happily, all went well.
But I digress.
An organist provided the soundtrack for the movie. I regret I did not get the young man’s name. He was terrific, blending the music on the electronic instrument seamlessly with the action. One almost would have thought it was part of the film.
The Plot:
Our hero, engineer Johnny Gray (Buster Keaton), so the intertitles tell the viewer, has two loves in his life: the beautiful Annabelle Lee (Marion Mack) of Marietta, Georgia, and his train, The General.
When word comes of shots fired at Fort Sumter, Annabelle’s brother and father rush to enlist. Johnny joins them, only to be turned away. The recruiting people decide he’s more valuable to the South as an engineer, but they don’t tell him that. Johnny is dejected, all the more so when Annabelle tells him she won’t speak to him until she sees him in a uniform.
Harsh.
Disconsolate, Johnny sits on the drive-rod of the train. The engine moves, lifting him up and down, but Johnny’s face remains impassive.
A year later, Annabelle boards Johnny’s train at Marietta to visit her wounded father. At a stop for lunch, damn Yankee spies (Jim Farley and Glenn Cavender) decouple the boxcars and steal the engine. Unfortunately, Annabelle Lee is in one of the cars the damn Yankees steal. They tie her up.
Johnny chases after them.
Thoughts:
The train chase—which takes up most of the screen time—is amazing on many levels. Buster Keaton climbs over the train cars, the wood in the tender, and the engine. In one scene, he sits on the cow catcher—of a moving vehicle—holding a railroad tie while the damn Yankees throw another tie on the track to derail the train. He uses the tie to push the one on the tracks out of the way. How frigging dangerous is all that? But he makes it look like child’s play.
He chases the stolen train on foot (A for effort), with a handcar, and on a bicycle before he stumbles into a nest of damn Yankees and discovers their plot. He rescues Annabelle, of course, and steals a train back. A lot of slapstick is involved.
In one famous scene, the foolish damn Yankees run a train across a burning bridge, which collapses into a river. This was a real train. Until its iron was salvaged for WWII, it remained in the river. Bits and pieces of the bridge and wreck can still be seen.
Among other awards and nominations, The General was added to the National Film Registry in 1989 and was a 1927 Winner of the Photoplay Award for (really) Best Picture of the Month (March).
The movie was based (no credit given) on The Great Locomotive Chase, a memoir by William Pittenger about Union Army raiders who commandeered a Confederate train to disrupt Confederate supply lines—which brings up the next topic.
So, if the book was about an actual Union train theft in Georgia, why was the movie about a Confederate theft of a Union train? My guess has to do with the romanticized “lost cause” view of the Civil War, which was then in vogue. According to this piece of pseudohistory, the War of Northern Aggression was fought over states’ rights. It had nothing to do with slavery, which (if you believe the Florida State Board of Education) taught enslaved people useful skills.
But I digress once more…
In many respects, this movie is a lot of fun. There is a lot of action and a lot of derring-do. There is some silliness, but the audience can identify with Johnny Gray.
The movie can be watched here:
For more info:
Title: The General (1926)
Writing Credits
Buster Keaton…(written by) and
Clyde Bruckman…(written by)
Al Boasberg…(adapted by) and
Charles Henry Smith…(adapted by) (as Charles Smith)
William Pittenger…(book) (uncredited)
William Pittenger…(memoir The Great Locomotive Chase) (uncredited)
Paul Gerard Smith…(uncredited)
Cast (in credits order)
Buster Keaton…Johnnie Gray
Marion Mack…Annabelle Lee
Glen Cavender…Captain Anderson
Jim Farley…General Thatcher
Frederick Vroom…A Southern General
Frank Barnes…Annabelle’s Brother
Charles Henry Smith…Annabelle’s Father (as Charles Smith)
Released: 1926
Length: 1 hour, 18 minutes
Review of “The Green Slime” (1968)
We got our fill of schlock with this week’s Saturday night pizza and bad movie night movie, a romp in space depicting a death struggle with an energy-consuming and -emitting alien life form that could wipe out human existence and seem to squeal with enjoyment while doing it. And we had cheese ravioli.
Plot:
Earth Space Station (or something like that) discovers that asteroid Flora is on a collision course with the Earth. Commander Jack Rankin (Robert Horton) is volunteered to fly to Space Station Gamma 3 and, from there, land on the asteroid and blow it up.
“If you’re unsuccessful, don’t bother coming back,” he’s told. “There won’t be anything here.”
While he’s on Gamma 3, he will be in command of not only the mission but also the whole station.
Mighty generous of the Earth Space Station folk. The station’s present head, Commander Vince Elliott (Richard Jaeckel), had his nose just a bit out of joint. Yeah, he can follow orders. But really, Jack Rankin? Not only do the two have history, but Rankin also has history with Elliott’s fiancée, Dr. Lisa Benson (Luciana Paluzzi). This whole saving-the-Earth gig is turning out just great.
While the crew is on the asteroid, crew member Dr. Hans Halvorsen (Ted Gunther) notices a slimy green substance that appears alive. He wants to bring it back for study, but Rankin nixes the idea, smashing the glass container holding the goo. Unnoticed, a piece of the green slime splashes onto Dr. Halvorsen’s pant leg.
Their bombs are set. Under an accelerated schedule, they blast off, obliterating the asteroid and saving Earth from certain doom. And the crowds go wild. Or at least head for the officers’ club.
During the party, word comes that a problem has arisen with the decontamination unit. It seems the unit where the clothes of the men back from the asteroid were being treated has suffered some damage. The man tending the machinery has suffered electrocution.
Thoughts:
We did not watch this with thoughts that we were about to find material unjustly overlooked by the Academy. The seriousness of its tone and the bizarreness of its situation make for an odd fit with the unconvincing models and hokey dialogue. Just the same, using elaborate sets, vehicles, and lots of extras had to cost a bit.
And there there are the monsters. The green slime, fed energy, becomes tentacled monsters capable of electrocuting humans. The monsters bleed green slime, which can grow more monsters rapidly once it comes into contact with energy.
This movie is a joint Japanese and American film. Most of the on-screen actors are Caucasian, but the director is Japanese, as are many behind-the-scenes crew.
The unintentional silliness of the movie is perhaps its redemption. The monsters, killers of many a crew member, are Japanese children in rubber costumes. After learning that, it’s hard to hate them. Without an atmosphere, the asteroid has somehow managed to secure liquid water. At one point, astronauts fly outside the Gamma-3 station, attacking the monsters in what could be a ballet, given appropriate music.
The theme music is dated now but might have appeared cool…, er, hip, or something at the time.
Because it takes place on Gamma 3, The Green Slime is sometimes considered a sequel to four earlier movies that take place on Gamma 1: Wild, Wild Planet, War of the Planets, War Between the Planets, and Snow Devils. The plots have nothing in common.
The Bubicon Science Fiction Convention in Albuquerque, New Mexico, awards an annual Green Slime Award for the worst science fiction of the previous year.
This is definitely not for everyone. I enjoyed it, but it’s not something that I would be in a hurry to watch again.
I could not find this for free, but it is available to buy or rent on YouTube if you must. Or your library may have it.
Title: The Green Slime (1968)
Directed by
Kinji Fukasaku
Writing Credits
Ivan Reiner…(story)
Charles Sinclair…(screenplay) &
Bill Finger…(screenplay) (as William Finger) &
Tom Rowe…(screenplay)
Cast (in credits order)
Robert Horton…Commander Jack Rankin
Luciana Paluzzi…Dr. Lisa Benson
Richard Jaeckel…Commander Vince Elliott
Bud Widom…General Jonathan B. Thompson (as Bud Widham)
Ted Gunther…Dr. Hans Halvorsen
Released: 1968
Length: 1 hour, 30 minutes
Viewed: January 18, 2025
Review of “The Haunting of Hill House” by Shirley Jackson and “The Haunting” (1963)
The Haunting (1963) was our Saturday bad movie and pizza night offering. I remember seeing bits and pieces of it years ago on something called broadcast TV. I’ve read that the book it was based on, The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, was one of the best horror novels. (Yes, the same Shirley Jackson who wrote “The Lottery” we all read in school.) I recently read the book for the first time, then watched the movie from beginning to end with pizza, a little mac and cheese, and some prosecco to wash it all down.
Plot:
In both the book and the movie, a professor of anthropology gathers together two women with a history of experiencing psychic phenomena and rents a house with a reputation of being haunted, a nineteenth-century monstrosity whose original owners suffered a history of tragedy. Along with the professor and the two young women is a skeptical young man, the heir of the present owners of the house.
The professor wants to gather evidence proving that the supernatural exists in order to write a book. What better way to do so than in a haunted house with sensitive people?
Odd phenomena occur, scaring the bejesus out of all concerned. One of the women, Eleanor, has recently suffered a severe loss. She is vulnerable emotionally, but is she insane? Alternately, is she somehow causing the phenomena psychically, if unconsciously?
The Book:
Eleanor Vance lives with her sister, brother-in-law, and their child and wants badly to get away. Recently, her bedridden mother, whom she took care of, has passed away. Without permission, Eleanor takes the car she owns with her sister and drives toward Hill House, where Dr. John Montague has invited her to stay as part of his scientific research.
Along the way, she sees places that intrigue her: a gate flanked by stone lions and a garden with oleanders. The reader gets a detailed description of her stopping for coffee in a town outside Hill House. No one wants to talk about the place.
Frankly, this portion of the book dragged for me. What was the point of seeing everything Eleanor saw on her drive? It comes up later as Eleanor uses the things she sees to fabricate what her non-existent apartment looks like. The reader learns she likes to make up stories because her life is so disappointing.
When she arrives at Hill House, Mr. Dudley, the surly groundskeeper, confronts her. He at first refuses to let her through the gate, only opening it on her insistence. At the house, she meets the equally surly Mrs. Dudley, the housekeeper. Mrs. Dudley shows her to her room—the blue room—and tells her what time meals are served and cleared, then tells her she and her husband don’t stay on the grounds after dark. If she needs help, she’s on her own… in the dark.
When the other young woman, Theodora, shows up, Mrs. Dudley gives her the same speech verbatim. The two young women laugh about it.
The professor, Luke, and the young women spend their first evening in the house in a parlor in front of a fire, talking and getting to know each other. Luke Sanderson does not believe in the supernatural but is there to represent his family, who owns the house. The playfulness and friendship that develop belie all the foreboding and dread of the arrival. Plus, Mrs. Dudley proves to be a fantastic cook.
The house has no right angles; one unfamiliar with it can easily get lost in the interior rooms. Doors swing slowly shut on their own. All this leads to disorientation and uncertainty.
The second night, things happen—noises come, like someone banging on the doors up and down the hallway with a frying pan. Theodora experiences this also. It’s not solely in Eleanor’s fraying mind—nor is the “cold spot” outside the nursery at the end of the hallway.
Other occurrences may or may not be in Eleanor’s mind. Eleanor gets separated from Theodora and Luke while the three are out walking on the grounds one day. She finds Theodora and Luke talking—and swears they’re talking about her.
Mrs. Montague shows up and tells her husband how disorganized he is. She has brought a male “friend.” Together, they will seek to assuage the suffering of the tormented souls in the house. The two provide much-needed comic relief.
Eleanor continues to deteriorate and does something that puts herself in jeopardy, leading Luke to rescue her. Because of Eleanor’s mental state, it’s difficult for the reader to judge how much is in her head and how much is in the objective world. Everything disorients and isolates. Is there a ghost? Is it all Eleanor? There’s no clear answer, and there is no need to suspect it must be one thing or the other.
The Movie:
The plot of The Haunting is nearly identical to the book. Some of the characters have slightly different names for whatever reason. Eleanor Vance of the book is now Eleanor Lance (Julie Harris). Dr. John Montague is now Dr. John Markway (Richard Johnson). Luke Sanderson is now Luke Sannerson (Russ Tamblyn). On the other hand, the Dudleys remain the Dudleys (Rosalie Crutchley and Valentine Dyall) and are as malevolently dour as they are in the book.
The house is a separate character, as it is in the book. The viewer gets to see the monstrosity rather than imagine it in all its claustrophobic shadowiness. The décor screams, “Leave no bare wall space,” and “We need more fretwork.” Because the movie is in black and white, Eleanor no longer has a blue room, however.
The scenes of bonding in front of the fire are left out. I assume this was for the sake of time. When the haunting stuff happens, it is scary, even though the viewer never sees a ghost. This is a delicate thing to pull off. Eleanor and Theodora hear voices. Someone is talking on the other side of the wall, though the viewer can’t quite make out the words. Someone rattles the locked doorknob and bangs on the door, almost breaking it down. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s presented in a way that scares the stuffing out of the viewer.
The movie adds a couple of threads. Eleanor develops a crush on Dr. Markway and is devastated to learn that not only does he have a wife, but she’s coming. Mrs. Markway arrives alone and doesn’t run roughshod over her husband’s paranormal study, sadly, but becomes a victim of the house for a time. The comic relief doesn’t come.
Theo is much more malicious than she is in the book. On seeing Eleanor devastated by Mrs. Markway’s arrival, she says only, “You little fool.”
Another thread the movie adds is the hint that Eleanor’s mother may have died due to her neglect. A similar story is connected with the history of the house.
One subtext is that of Theo’s lesbianism. In the book, it’s mentioned only briefly and tangentially. The subject almost flew by me. “Did I just read what I thought I read?” I had to ask myself.
Lesbianism was not something one discussed in polite society in 1959 when the book was first published. While the topic remains undiscussed in the movie, Eleanor condemns Theo in such a way that leaves little doubt about what she’s referring to.
Director Robert Wise was nominated for a 1964 Golden Globe for Best Director for this movie. The film was named one of The Guardian’s best Horror Films of all time in 2010.
Overall, I found the movie scarier than the book but also more needlessly melodramatic.
The movie can be watched for free (with a whole lot of ads) here:
Title: The Haunting of Hill House
Author: Shirley Jackson (1916-1965)
First published: October 16, 1959
Title: The Haunting (1963)
Directed by
Robert Wise
Writing Credits
Nelson Gidding…(screenplay)
Shirley Jackson…(based on the novel: The Haunting of Hill House)
Cast (in credits order)
Julie Harris…Eleanor Lance
Claire Bloom…Theodora
Richard Johnson…Dr. John Markway
Russ Tamblyn…Luke Sannerson
Fay Compton…Mrs. Sannerson
Released: 1963
Length: 1 hour, 52 minutes
Rated: G
Review of “American Werewolf in London” (1981)
Before I go any further, I have to mention that the film discusses but does not depict suicide.
For this pizza and bad movie selection, we opted for a bit of nostalgia. Both the dearly beloved and I saw this when it first came out, lo, these many years ago. Despite the underlying darkness, this flick was a lot of fun. I still liked it on this viewing.
Plot:
American students David Kessler (David Naughton) and Jack Goodman (Griffin Dunne) are backpacking around Europe. In northern England, they arrive at a crossroads in the back of a sheep farmer’s truck—with the sheep. The farmer warns them to stay on the road.
They don’t. Jack talks about a girl from home he intends to meet later in their travels. The weather is cold, damp, and miserable. They find their way to a pub called the Slaughtered Lamb with a grisly sign—a severed wolf’s head on a pike.
To their dismay, there’s no food available, only beer and spirits. They settle on tea. The locals give them a chilly reception. Our heroes notice a pentagram carved on a wall and flanked by candles.
“It’s a charm to ward off evil,” they decide.
Taking a hint from the chilly locals, they leave. Pub patrons warn them to stay on the roads, avoid the moors, and beware the moon—whatever that means.
It starts to rain. Jack and David get disoriented and find themselves on the moors. A growling noise comes. When they realize it’s circling them, they decide to return to the Slaughtered Lamb—but which way is that? David slips and falls. Jack reaches down to help him. Something attacks him. David runs but turns back when he hears Jack screaming.
Something attacks him. There are gunshots. In the last few moments, before he passes out, he sees the bloodied nude body of a man he doesn’t know.
Three weeks later, he wakes in a hospital. Dr. J. S. Hirsch (John Woodvine) explains that he was attacked by an escaped lunatic. His friend, Mr. Goodman, sadly, did not make it. His body had already been sent back to the United States for burial.
David tries to say they were attacked not by a human but by an animal.
Thoughts:
This movie is quite dark, yet it is also quite funny. David has a series of dreams (are they dreams?) of himself as a monster. In another dream, he watches as his family is slaughtered by what looks to me like Nazi zombies. David convinces himself they’re just nightmares. He suffered a trauma. These are just echoes of that, right?
While David is in the hospital, the ghost of Jack returns to him, munches on some toast, and tells him that a werewolf bit them. He died and is cursed to walk the Earth as undead until the last of the line is cut off.
“That’s you,” he tells his friend and urges him to take his own life. This will set Jack free and prevent David from killing anyone else.
Is this real? Or another dream? David doesn’t know and quickly dismisses Jack.
But can he be sure? He discusses his misgivings with his new girlfriend, Nurse Alex Price (Jenny Agutter).
“Your dead friend Jack?” she asks skeptically.
He references the 1941 movie The Wolf Man with Lon Chaney and says that a werewolf can only be killed by someone who loves him. (Chaney’s character was beaten to death by his father with a silver-topped walking stick. The father was unaware of the werewolf’s identity).
Part of what makes this movie for me is how matter-of-fact things remain between David and Jack. After Jack dies, they’re still two dudes talking about dude things. Jack talks about his funeral. He was happy with the turnout, except for the girl he was hoping to get together with. She was so distraught at his death that she slept with another guy, “that asshole.” They’re continuing the same conversation they had in the opening scenes.
At another point, Jack peeks in on a sleeping Alex. “A nurse, huh?”
When David transforms for the first time, he is in agony. He doesn’t understand what’s happening. His hands and feet stretch to accommodate the new bone structure. He screams. He howls.
Of course, it’s not all fun and games. Actions have consequences. Jack (whose body is steadily decomposing) gathers David’s victims in what I’ll delicately call an adult movie theater. The movie’s dialogue and action are wretched.
“Good movie,” David says.
The victims cheerfully advise David on different ways he might kill himself.
“Thank you,” he says. “You’re all so helpful.”
Another odd yet endearing part of the movie is the music. There is the old rousing R&B tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival, “Bad Moon Rising, as well as two versions of “Blue Moon” and Van Morrison’s “Moondance.”
The movie was hardly perfect, but it was fun enough to ignore a plot hole or two.
If it needs to be said, this is not one for the kiddies. It is violent, with some gore, plus there’s some nudity and sex. It’s one instance where one can take the R-rating seriously.
Rick Baker won a 1982 Best Makeup Oscar. The film won a 1982 Saturn Award for Best Horror Film from the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films. Jenny Agutter was nominated for Best Actress and John Landis for Best Writing by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films.
The movie can be watched here (Tubi—with a whole lot of commercials)
Title: American Werewolf in London (1981)
Directed by
John Landis
Writing Credits
John Landis…(written by)
Cast (in credits order)
Joe Belcher…Truck Driver
David Naughton…David Kessler
Griffin Dunne…Jack Goodman
David Schofield…Dart Player
Brian Glover…Chess Player
Released: 1981
Rated: R
Length: 1 hour, 37 minutes
Review of “Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat” (1989)
Plot:
Vampires have been hunting humans for centuries, but times change. Under the leadership of Count Mardulak (David Carridine) a group of vampires has set up shop in a town called Purgatory somewhere in the desert of the American West. They will learn to co-exist with humans, with the help of sunblock, sunglasses, and artificial blood.
The plant that makes the artificial blood has been having trouble. A call goes out to the human engineer who designed it, David Harrison (Jim Metzler). David brings his wife Sarah (Morgan Brittany) and their two young daughters, Juliet (Erin Gourlay) and Gwen (Vanessa Pierson) along for a vacation.
Almost everyone in town is looking out for David’s arrival. When a stranger stops at a gas station, the Bisby brothers (Sunshine Parker, Bert Remsen and M. Emmet Walsh), vampires, in overalls, wrap-around sunglasses, and straw hats are expecting David. Unfortunately, the mouthy stranger (Philip Esposito) with an off-roader admits he isn’t David but some jerk named Tom Pryor. Mort (M. Emmet Walsh) finally has enough of the stranger’s sass and knocks his head off.
His brothers are annoyed and tell him he has to go see Jefferson (John Ireland) about his violation while they clean up. Camping in the hills are the mouthy stranger’s friends, Jack (Dana Ashbrook) and Alice (Elizabeth Gracen). They’ve watched the whole thing through binoculars (really?) and decide to come into town and report their friend’s murder to the police.
The Harrison family arrives and finds the town—friendly. Sarah buys all the fixins’ for a spaghetti dinner but can’t find garlic anywhere.
The next day, David goes to work and meets with the guy in charge of the artificial blood plant, Shane (Maxwell Caulfield), whom he knows from grad school. Shane and Sarah also have history, so David makes a point of showing Shane what a rookie mistake he’s made. The conversation is quite vulgar. Shane gets pissed and throws David around.
In the meantime, Gwen and Juliet have discovered a secret passage in the house they’re staying in that leads to a coffin.
Another stranger (Bruce Campbell) shows up in town. He’s a descendant of Abraham Van Helsing, and he’s out to stake him some vampires. But his car breaks down.
Thoughts:
What the film lacks subtlety it makes up for it in sheer silliness. Goofy visuals made me chuckle more than the plot or any particular line. The sight of the three Bisby brothers wearing overalls and sunglasses sitting in on a shaded swing outside the gas station was just funny without anyone saying a word.
At one point in the action, Sarah tells her daughters to hide from real danger. They duck into the secret passage. She can’t find them. They open the coffin lid and say, “Hi, Mommy.”
However, this is not a flick for the kiddies.
Bruce Campbell’s Van Helsing would have his great-great grandpa slapping his forehead, though he does manage a strategic use of holy water.
However, the ending doesn’t work for me. I guess it was one way to end the inevitable war between factions of vampires, but it just made no sense, unless you needed a happy ending more than a sensible one.
Oddly, the only public screenings of the movie were at film festivals. After that, it was released onto VHS in 1991 and DVD in 2008. According to Justwatch, it’s available with a subscription on Stars and for $3.99 with a subscription on Apple TV. We watched it on Amazon Prime.
Or you can go the easy route and watch the movie on YouTube: (Spanish subtitles)
edited to add:
P.S. The dearly beloved and I just had a discussion about this movie. He and I agreed on a couple of points: 1) the plotting was a little off. I suggested a different starting point that would do away with the opening narration. 2) We liked a lot of the sight gags and 3) the title didn’t really make any sense.
Title: Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat (1989)
Directed by
Anthony Hickox
Writing Credits
John Burgess…(written by) and
Anthony Hickox…(written by)
John Burgess…(story)
Cast (in credits order)
David Carradine…Mardulak
Morgan Brittany…Sarah
Bruce Campbell…Van Helsing
Jim Metzler…David
Maxwell Caulfield…Shane
Deborah Foreman…Sandy
Released: 1989
Length: 1 hour, 44 minutes
Rated: R
Review of “The Waxwork” by A. M. Burrage: Halloween Countdown
For October 31—Happy Halloween!
Plot:
Down-on-his-luck Journalist Raymond Hewson has arranged to spend the night at Marriner’s Waxworks Murderers’ Den. Hewson is freelancing, hoping to sell his story to The Morning Echo. The manager of Marriner’s promises him a five-pound note once the story is published.
Hewson wasn’t looking forward to the task, but he had a wife and family to support. Plus, he thought that a well-received story might lead to regular employment—and then there would be that five-pound note.
He assures the manager he does not believe in ghosts. His employers have told him he’s not one for imagination, either.
The manager says he won’t be locked in. He can leave at any time. There is lighting in the basement where the exhibit is, but it is dim. He’ll hear footsteps above, but those will belong to the night watchman. The only thing he insists on is that Hewson not smoke. Someone raised an alarm about a fire earlier in the evening, which happily turned out to be false. Nevertheless, nerves are still jittery.
The people represented by the wax figures in Murderers’ Den had all been hanged except for Dr. Bourdette, the Parisian equivalent to Jack the Ripper. By day, he practiced medicine, and by night, he slit people’s throats with a razor. It was believed he mesmerized people before he killed them.
The manager leaves. Hewson turns away from Dr. Bourdette and his unsettling eyes. He writes a few lines that he thinks are catchy and thinks of his wife, Rose, at home.
Wait—something moved.
No, nothing moved. They’re just wax figures.
Thoughts:
This tale is atmospheric, but mostly it’s sad. Hewson may be a failure “through his lack of self-assertion,” as the author tells us, but he wants to succeed the old-fashioned way. He’s willing to take a job he won’t enjoy to keep the wolf at bay. He loves his wife and family,
The author introduces him by noting, “His clothes, which had been good when new and which were still carefully brushed and pressed, were beginning to show signs of their owner’s losing battle with the world.”
The reader hopes Hewson is successful. The best thing would be for this guy who’s been going through hard times to come across some evil, overcome it, and receive a handsome reward. Let him return home in triumph to the family he loves.
Yeah, not so easy.
I liked the short tale for the atmosphere it created.
Bio: A. M. Burrage (Alfred McLelland Burrage) (1889-1956) was a UK novelist and short story writer active from 1905 into the 1940s. Because he wrote under several pseudonyms and in various genres, it’s difficult to know the total number of stories he published. He is best known now for his ghost stories, but he also wrote for boys’ magazines, stories about black magic, and a satire in an Arthurian setting.
Unfortunately, I can’t find a text version.
The story can be listened to here:
Title: “The Waxwork”
Author: A. M. Burrage (Alfred McLelland Burrage) (1889-1956)
First published: Someone in the Room, 1931
Length: short story
Gotta fly!
Hope your Halloween is happy and safe.
Review of “The Viy” by Nikolai Gogol: Halloween Countdown
For October 30
Plot:
Three seminary students—Khalava, a theologian and thief; Thomas Brutus, a philosopher; and Tiberius Gorobetz, a rhetorician— in the town of Kieff (Kiev?) get lost on their way home for the summer break. They find lodging with a begrudging old woman, who insists they take separate rooms. Hardly has Thomas Brutus laid his head down, when the old woman enters his room.
“Well, mother, what do you want here?” he asks.
She doesn’t answer, but advances with her arms outstretched. Terrified, he jumps up but finds he can’t move. He can’t push her away. He crosses his hands over his breast and bends his head. The old woman springs atop his shoulders and rides him “like a racehorse.”
Not till they’ve left the house behind does Thomas think, “She’s a witch!”
They continue for a bit, then the seminary student recalls prayers of exorcism. They’re back on the ground; he mounts her shoulders and rides her to exhaustion. As she’s dying, she transforms into a beautiful young woman.
Thomas, who has no family waiting for him, has had enough. He heads back to Kieff, bums around a bit, being fed by a friendly widow. Word comes from the rector of the seminary that a colonel’s daughter is dying. She has requested the seminarian Thomas Brutus recite prayers for the dead for three days after her death.
Thomas has no idea who the colonel or his daughter are and is no hurry to perform this service, even though the colonel will pay and is sending transportation. He’s been drafted.
Thoughts:
One of the joys of this story is the language and the portraits of the characters. Khalava is not just a thief, but “everything which came within reach of his fingers he felt obliged to appropriate.” At one point, one of his friends relieves him of stolen fish he’s hidden in his pocket. Later, the friend enjoys the thief’s fish in his room—alone.
Much of the description and even some of the action is surreal. Thomas arrives at the colonel’s home late at night. He and his escort sleep in a small barn. He wakes and looks outside to see “the [colonel’s] house seemed to turn into a bear” and “the chimney [turned] into the rector of the seminary.”
While the old woman is “riding” him, he:
“looked down and saw how the grass beneath his feet seemed to be quite deep and far away; over it there flowed a flood of crystal-clear water, and the grassy plain looked like the bottom of a transparent sea. He saw his own image, and that of the old woman whom he carried on his back, clearly reflected in it. Then he beheld how, instead of the moon, a strange sun shone there; he heard the deep tones of bells, and saw them swinging. He saw a water-nixie rise from a bed of tall reeds…”
Perhaps those whose minds are cleaner than mine will overlook the sexual imagery in being approached by a stranger in one’s bed and then taking turns “being ridden.” Thomas uses his prayers of exorcism not to escape the witch, but the dominate her and exhaust her. When she’s no longer a threat, he notices the church steeples of Kieff, leaves her for dead and flees back home, where a friendly widow takes care of him.
Really, would you want this guy dating your sister?
A casual brutality weaves it way through the tale, but there is also humor. In the market, sellers call out the merits of their wares, while decrying the personal hygiene of their rivals.
While there were a few see-it-comings and not all punishments fit the crimes, I liked this tale, especially enjoyed the surrealism.
Bio: Nikolai Gogol (1809-1852) was a Russian writer, playwright, and satirist of Ukrainian background. His writings tended toward the surreal. They were influential in the 19th century. Perhaps his most famous story is “The Overcoat.”
The story can be read here:
The story can be listened to here: (1:41:52)
Title: “The Viy”
Author: Nikolai Gogol (1809-1852)
First published: Russian 1835; First English translation: The Mantle and Other Stories, 1916
Length: novelette
Review of “Thurnley Abbey” by Perceval Landon: Halloween Countdown
For October 29
Plot:
The unnamed narrator, traveling across Europe, meets Alastair Colvin aboard a train. They will then board a ship. Alastair makes an unusual request to the narrator when the two know each other only casually: “Will you let me sleep in your cabin on the Osiris?” The narrator hems and haws and tries to put off giving a definite answer.
Colvin understands his reluctance. To explain himself, he tells the narrator a story about his friend Broughton, who inherited a place called Thurnley Abbey. It had been long neglected, and Broughton found it impossible to get workers to stay after dark. They believed the spirit of a nun who was once immured at the abbey now haunts the place.
Despite expressing his annoyance with the workers, Broughton says he can’t dismiss the possibility of ghosts. “My own idea,” said he, “is that if a ghost ever does come in one’s way, one ought to speak to it.”
The narrator agrees and adds that from little he knows of ghosts, he understands that a spook was, in honor, bound to wait to be spoken to.
After some months, the repairs are finished. Broughton marries.
A letter comes with a request for Colvin to come to Thurnley Abbey and render a service for Broughton.
The request puzzles Colvin. Broughton is a capable man. What could he possibly need?
Thoughts:
The frame within a frame slows the story, but if the reader can hang on and wait till the appearance of the big scary thing, it is worth it. Not only is the big bad thing apt to scare the bejesus out of the reader but watching the humans react to it is worth some time on the couch with a pencil and pad.
The story is gothic and nicely atmospheric, even before the good stuff hits the fan. Why does Colvin want to sleep in the cabin of a guy he just met? (This is 1907, long before one spoke openly of casual sex—let alone gay casual sex).
The story also turned a couple of conventions on their heads.
I liked it.
Bio: Perceval Landon (1869-1927) was an English journalist, war correspondent, and writer. He was friends with Rudyard Kipling. He traveled widely and wrote non-fiction accounts of his travels, such as The Opening of Tibet (1905). His one collection of short stories was Raw Edges (1908).
This story can be read here:
This story can be listened to here: (59:43)
Title: “Thurnley Abbey
Author: Perceval Landon (1869-1927)
First published: McClure’s Magazine, 1907
Length: short story
Review of “The Testament of Magdalen Blair” by Aleister Crowley: Halloween Countdown
For October 28
I feel obligated to add that this story advocates suicide. There is no depiction of it, but the argument for it is, IMHO, overwrought to say the least, and—if it needs to be said—sad.
Plot:
Magdalen Blair resolves to warn mankind (I’m sure she means to include women, too) to follow her example and then explode a dynamite cartridge in her mouth.
Weel, now, that’s a bit extreme…
Magdalen was a good student in her science classes. She excels in noting differences. She can also read minds and anticipate some events, like the day she knew fellow-student Gladys was about to faint before anyone, including Gladys, did.
Professor Blair takes her aside for a few “parlor tricks,” which become a series of formalized experiments, which in turn (…of course…) lead to marriage. After a few ups and downs, the Professor becomes ill with Bright’s Disease (inflammation of the kidneys).
The psychic connection between Magdalen and her husband increases but remains one-way. She can read his mind and experience all the agony and pain as he grows increasingly ill.
Even as he slips into a coma, she experiences what he experiences….
Thoughts:
This story has eighteen chapters, each only two to three pages long. Perhaps the author thought short chapters would relieve some of the heaviness of the material. It is a downer.
The main character begins with her extreme comment about her chosen method of suicide. Even in her happier (so to speak) days, she doesn’t seem to enjoy much of life. Her marriage and honeymoon are pleasant but passionless.
When they return from their honeymoon, Magdalen falls ill. In parsing the delicate language, I gather she miscarried and required a hysterectomy. (“…the course of the illness revealed a condition which demanded the most complete series of operations which a woman can endure.”)
The only comment about this is, “Not only the past hope, but all future hope, was annihilated.”
There is no mourning, no weeping over baby booties or her own health. She notes that as she’s recovering, she can read minds again, a capability she temporarily lost while on her honeymoon (while pregnant?).
While there are several intriguing aspects to this tale, overall, I found it unpleasant—not unpleasant enough to stick a dynamite in my mouth, but I will not read this again. I cannot recommend others do so, either. However, I do recommend avoiding putting dynamite in one’s mouth.
Bio: Aleister Crowley (1875-1947) was a UK occultist, writer, poet, and ritual magician. He founded his own religion, Thelema, which centered on the command, “Do what thou wilt.” His mystical writings became popular in the 60s.
This is really the best online version I could find:
I could not find a reliable source for an audio version of this story, or one that didn’t want to offer a free (*cough*) trial of something.
Title: “The Testament of Magdalen Blair”
Author: Aleister Crowley (1875-1947)
First published: The Equinox, Vol. 1, No. 9, 1913.
Length: novelette
Reviews of Old and New Stories. Mostly Old 