Some weeks ago, Svengoolie disappeared without explanation when the masterpiece discussed below was scheduled. We were looking forward to it as something silly, so the dearly beloved found it at the library. Silly is what we got.
Plot:
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello are for some unexplained reason in Cairo and looking for a way to get back to the United States. While sitting in Café Baghdad (because Cairo and Baghdad are practically the same place, I guess), they overhear the archeologist Dr. Gustav Zoomer (Kurt Katch) tell the press he’s discovered the mummy of Klaris, the prince of evil, and that somewhere in the sarcophagus is a clue that will lead to the discovery of the tomb of Princess Ara. As soon as he can find two trustworthy men, he will ship it to the States.
The States! That’s where our heroes want to go.
Unfortunately for the doctor, our hapless heroes are not the only ones who overhear the doctor.
One person reports to a group of men sitting around a table outside, noting that they must tell Semu about Dr. Zoomer’s discovery and return Klaris to his people. Another goes to an apartment and gives the news to Madame Rontu (Marie Windsor). She’s not worried about the curse of Klaris. She relies on guns and knives, and she wants the treasure that Zoomer will uncover with the Princess.
Later, Dr. Zoomer is in his office, recording the directions to Princess Ara’s tomb and treasure. He looks up to see two men entering. One shoots a blow dart at him, hitting him behind his ear. He collapses.
Our heroes approach Dr. Zoomer’s office. Abbott explains why they’re there—to ask for the job and find a way back to the States. After indulging in a little wordplay, they knock on the front door. There’s no answer, but the door is open. Of course, they go in.
In another room, the bad guys lift the sarcophagus of Klaris (they’re really strong bad guys) and walk a few steps. They hear someone calling for Dr. Zoomer, set their burden down, and hide in some standing, unoccupied sarcophaguses.
Bud comes in, looking for the archaeologist. After checking a few obvious places, he opens the lid of Klaris’s sarcophagus. The mummy (Eddie Parker) growls and sits up, sending Bud screaming from the room to an incredulous Lou.
Hard as it may be to believe, the boys find a medallion with directions (in hieroglyphics) the Princess Ara’s tomb. The bad guys have been scrambling for it. Bud thinks they can sell it.
Eventually, the boys travel to the sacred resting site of Klaris, with both groups of people trying to kill them (and each other). The place is riddled with trap doors and secret passageways. For some reason, never explained, a giant lizard prowls the underground.
Don’t ask for anything to make much sense.
Thoughts:
Madame Rontu decides to outsmart the other guys by bonking the mummy on the head, burying it outside, and substituting one of her henchmen, all wrapped up to look like a mummy. The faux mummy will attack the rivals. What could go wrong?
Bud comes across their discarded wrapping while he and Lous are supposed to be digging a hole. He gets an idea, and thus three mummies show up.
The flick is full of the pratfalls Abbott and Costello are known for. More than one pretty girl flirts with Lou and dismisses Bud.
And there are the verbal miscommunication exchanges:
Bud: “How stupid can you be?”
Lou: “How stupid do you want me to be?”
or:
Bud: “I overheard Doctor Zoomer say he needed a couple of men to accompany his mummy back to the States.”
Lou: “Is she afraid to travel by herself?”
Bud: “She? No, Lou. This mummy is a he. What’s wrong with that? Some mummies are men. Some mummies are women.”
Lou: “Such a strange country.”
Bud: “What’s strange about it, Lou?
Lou: “Your mummy, your mummy. Wasn’t she a woman?”
Bud: “I never had a mummy.
Lou: “What did your father do? Win you in a crap game?”
Costello and Abbott are given player names in the credits but use their own names throughout the movie.
This is the last of the seven “Abbott and Costello Meet…” movies and appeared late in their careers. It may strike some viewers as tedious as the obvious always happens, but it is cute and, above all, silly.
I could not find it available for download for free, but libraries can often get it if you’re interested.
Title: Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)
Directed by
Charles Lamont
Writing Credits
John Grant…(screenplay)
Lee Loeb…(story)
Cast (in credits order)
Bud Abbott…Pete Patterson
Lou Costello…Freddie Franklin
Marie Windsor…Madame Rontru
Michael Ansara…Charlie
Dan Seymour…Josef
Released: 1955
Length: 1 hour, 19 minutes
Review of “Avengers: Endgame” (2019)
It tells you nothing about the movie, but the pics are interesting.
Because Svengoolie was a rerun this week, we turned to a more contemporary movie, one with a lot—a LOT—of booms and chastely covered boobs projecting all over the place.
Judging by the destruction they leave in their wake, it’s a good thing superheroes exist only in places like comic books and movie screens. But I digress.
Plot:
This is part two of a story arc involving Thanos (Josh Brolin), a powerful destructive Titan. In the proceeding film Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Thanos acquired the six Infinity Stones, mounted them in a gauntlet, snapped his fingers, and wiped out half the living beings in the universe. He thought life would be better that way.
This movie begins roughly five years later. A rat steps on a lever on a machine in a van in a storage garage, releasing Ant-Man/Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) from the quantum universe that’s trapped him. He missed “The Blip,” the wiping out of life. The time he spent in the quantum universe appears to him more like hours than five years and has convinced him that time travel is possible. By the way, he’s hungry.
So, all the (surviving) Avengers have to do is get the band back together, go back in time, and find the Infinity Stones before Thanos does. After they kill Thanos, they return them where they found them.
Yeah, it’ll be difficult, but what could go wrong?
Thoughts:
There are a lot of characters in the movie, drawing in characters from The Guardians of the Galaxy, Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) and his crew, and characters from Black Panther, among others. Understandably most have suffered trauma from the Blip. After Asgard was destroyed, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) set up shop in Norway in New Asgard. He took up video games and beer—lots of beer. A prominent beer belly and alcoholism soon followed. Now he’s got to keep it together long enough to retrieve an Infinity Stone.
An exception to the rule is Tony Stark/Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) and Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), who are happily and comfortably married with a little girl. Tony wants nothing more to do with the Avengers. When asked, he says even if time travel is possible, it will not affect the present. It will merely branch off to create another reality elsewhere.
At three hours, this is a long movie. Each character has to work through whatever they are going through to join the effort and solve the riddle of time travel (not without some humor) before the Avengers can even leave to find the Infinity Stones. One, the Soul Stone, comes at a great price. (Gads, didn’t these people watch the last movie? Thanos left his daughter dead there.)
An unforeseen hitch develops regarding a character, making things interesting.
With the long runtime, the huge cast, and so many things going BOOM, it may not be too surprising that the movie had an estimated budget of $356–400 million, making it one of the most expensive films ever made, according to Wikipedia.
As for liking it, I must confess this is not one of my favorites. It was entertaining but formulaic. I enjoyed the bits of humor and the ironic observation: After destroying half the life in the universe, Thanos retires to an idyllic planet to enjoy himself—the country gentleman.
I also liked the snippets of old music played: Traffic’s “Dear Mr. Fantasy,” The Kinks’ “Supersonic Rocketship,” The Rolling Stones’ “Doom and Gloom,” and Steppenwolf’s “Hey Lawdy Mama.”
Title: Avengers: Endgame
Directed by
Anthony Russo
Joe Russo
Writing Credits
Christopher Markus…(screenplay by) &
Stephen McFeely…(screenplay by)
Stan Lee…(based on the Marvel comics by) and
Jack Kirby…(based on the Marvel comics by)
Joe Simon…(Captain America created by) and
Jack Kirby…(Captain America created by)
Steve Englehart…(Star-Lord created by) and
Steve Gan…(Star-Lord created by)
Bill Mantlo…(Rocket Raccoon created by) and
Keith Giffen…(Rocket Raccoon created by)
Jim Starlin…(Thanos, Gamora & Drax created by)
Stan Lee…(Groot created by) and
Larry Lieber…(Groot created by) and
Jack Kirby…(Groot created by)
Steve Englehart…(Mantis created by) and
Don Heck…(Mantis created by)
Cast (in credits order)
Robert Downey Jr…Tony Stark / Iron Man
Chris Evans…Steve Rogers / Captain America
Mark Ruffalo…Bruce Banner / Hulk
Chris Hemsworth…Thor
Scarlett Johansson…Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow
Jeremy Renner…Clint Barton / Hawkeye
Don Cheadle…James Rhodes / War Machine
Paul Rudd…Scott Lang / Ant-Man
Benedict Cumberbatch…Doctor Strange
Chadwick Boseman…T’Challa / Black Panther
Brie Larson…Carol Danvers / Captain Marvel
Tom Holland…Peter Parker / Spider-Man
Karen Gillan…Nebula
Zoe Saldana…Gamora
Evangeline Lilly…Hope Van Dyne / Wasp
Tessa Thompson…Valkyrie
Rene Russo…Frigga
Elizabeth Olsen…Wanda Maximoff / Scarlet Witch
Anthony Mackie…Sam Wilson / Falcon
Sebastian Stan…Bucky Barnes / Winter Soldier
Tom Hiddleston…Loki
Danai Gurira…Okoye
Benedict Wong…Wong
Pom Klementieff…Mantis
Dave Bautista…Drax
Letitia Wright…Shuri
John Slattery…Howard Stark
Tilda Swinton…The Ancient One
Jon Favreau…Happy Hogan
Hayley Atwell…Peggy Carter
Natalie Portman…Jane Foster (archive footage)
Released: 2019
Length: 3 hours, 1 minute
Rated: PG-13
Review of “The Old Dark House” (1932)
This is our latest Saturday night pizza and bad movie offering. Last week, Svengoolie was unavailable. The cable channel has not explained. Oh, well. The dearly beloved found the film scheduled for then, Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy, through the library. It should arrive shortly. This week’s film is a bit less cheery.
Plot:
Philip and Margaret Waverton (Raymond Massey and Gloria Stuart) and their friend Penderel (Melvyn Douglas) are lost in a storm in the Welsh countryside. After a landslide cuts off their retreat, they stop at a creepy dark old house when the see a light burning.
(Here I heard Brad and Janet singing, “There’s a light…”)
They drive up to the house and bang on the door. Eventually, it swings inward wide enough to reveal a hideous, scared face. The party explains their predicament and asks for shelter. The man (Boris Karloff) mumbles something and closes the door.
While our heroes complain outside, a gong sounds. The door opens again, and the man waves them inside. The homeowner, Horace Femm (Ernest Thesiger), a tall, thin man with a pinched face, then greets them. He explains the bulter, Morgan, is mute (“dumb”) and had a difficult time telling him what was going on. With some reluctance, he agrees to let them stay the night. His sister, Rebecca (Eva Moore), then appears holding a candle, demanding to know who the people are and what they want. On being informed of the situation, she says, “They can’t stay here.” She further tells them, “No beds. You can’t have beds.”
The travelers agree to sit up around the fire. Two more storm refugees arrive, the obnoxious Sir William Porterhouse (Charles Laughton) and his companion, the chorus girl, Gladys.
If it were that simple.
Thoughts:
The action is slow. The eccentric people—the horrifically scarred, mute butler; the easily panicked Horace Femm; and his deaf, fanatically religious sister Rebecca are all outrageous, over-the-top characters. The intent is to engage viewers in figuring these people out. (Good luck!)
An underlying sardonic humor runs just below the surface of the dialogue. Philip and Margaret squabble during the drive. When it becomes clear that the three are lost, Philip says, “Ten to one, we don’t see Shrewsbury tonight.”
“Oh,” Penderel says, “I don’t mind.”
When Morgan answers the door mumbling, Penderel says, “Even Welsh ought not sound like that.”
There is also absurdity. A mute butler and a deaf sister? Some of the dialogue plays on Rebecca’s deafness. I found this in bad taste, but consider the era when the film was made.
Not all of the subtext jumps out at the viewer. Some is obscured by changing times. Penderel seems to be a joker, but he’s haunted by the horrors of the Great War. Even the money-grubbing Porterhouse, who appears jovial and obnoxious, grieves for his wife. He blames her death on the upper class—especially upper-class women—like Margaret Waverton.
At an uncomfortable dinner, Horace tries to distract everyone and ignore all conflict with one of the movie’s taglines, “Have a potato.” This is after the loud, obnoxious Porterhouse has proclaimed (with a bit of song) how excited he is about roast beef.
The guests may have their problems, but those problems pale in comparison to those of the inhabitants of the house. All you need is Jane Eyre to show up for a governess job.
One of the first bits of dialogue is Philip Waverton swearing at the storm. A pre-Hayes Code film, it could get away with some salty language and some mild—really mild—mentions of sex.
Because the director, James Whalen, was gay, many tend to find expressions of gay sexuality in the movie. IMHO, there’s some reaching. One of the tenderest scenes is between two men. Is it an expression of gay love? Or merely human affection as one character dies? A woman plays one male character. Is that an expression of gender-bending? Could there have been a more mundane reason, such as a need for a frail actor with small bone structure? I don’t know.
Genuine menace appears in the movie as well as genuine silliness. In fact, it was remade as a comedy in 1963.
This movie is also reputed to be one of the inspirations behind The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Aside from the initial setup, there is little resemblance, but I can still see it.
I liked this movie, but it takes a little effort to get what’s happening. The big surprise adds depth but is not the point of the flick. Nevertheless, it answers (in part) Horace’s question of why anyone who didn’t have to would live there.
The Old Dark House can be watched free with ads here.
Title: The Old Dark House (1932)
Directed by
James Whale
Writing Credits
J.B. Priestley…(from the novel The Benighted by) (as J.B. Priestly)
Benn W. Levy…(screenplay)
R.C. Sherriff…(additional dialogue) (uncredited)
Cast (in credits order)
Boris Karloff…Morgan
Melvyn Douglas…Penderel
Charles Laughton…Sir William Porterhouse
Lilian Bond…Gladys (as Lillian Bond)
Ernest Thesiger…Horace Femm
Eva Moore…Rebecca Femm
Raymond Massey…Philip Waverton
Gloria Stuart…Margaret Waverton
Elspeth Dudgeon…Sir Roderick Femm (as John Dudgeon)
Brember Wills…Saul Femm
Released: 1932
Length: 1 hour, 12 minutes
Story Published: The Dugout
I had a piece of flash fiction published at a site called Suddenly and Without Warning. It’s a melancholy little piece about a guy returning to his hometown and seeing the changes.
It had been rejected twelve times since last July. I realize it’s not Pulitzer Prize material. I was getting ready to retire it (which, in my case, involves matches and a piece of paper). I got a lovely rejection letter from one place saying that while they weren’t going to use it, they liked my writing (WOOHOO!!!) and to consider them in the future. I thought maybe there was hope for the little piece after all. So, I sent it out again. It was rejected until it wasn’t.
I was beginning to feel like the king in Monty Python and the Holy Grail who built a castle in the swamp. It kept collapsing, ‘cause you know, castle, swamp. But the third one, now that one, stayed.
So here’s my masterpiece: The Dugout.
Review of “Konga” (1961)
This is our latest Saturday night pizza and bad movie offering, a King Kong exploitation flick. Kong isn’t the only thing it exploits. A mad-scientist serious/silliness imbues the film, making it hard not to smile at inappropriate times.
Plot:
A single-engine plane crashes somewhere in Uganda. It’s feared both the pilot and the eminent biologist, Dr. Charles Decker (Michael Gough), are lost. Nevertheless, Decker returns, hale and hearty, to Great Britain a year later with a baby chimpanzee named Konga. He tells the press he bailed out of the plane just before the crash and was cared for by “friendly local natives.”
Back at his home greenhouse, he pitches all the flowers and plants his assistant, Margaret (Margo Johns), carefully tended in his absence. When she complains, he tells her there’s no room for sentiment in science. He’s brought some carnivorous plants from Africa that a witch doctor told him about. These plants grow quickly. The same witch doctor said he could control his patients with seeds from another plant.
“His word was law,” he tells Margaret.
While he’s preparing an extract from the leaves of the carnivorous plants, the pot boils over. The cat wanders in (ya left the door open, dude) and licks the stuff off the ground. Decker immediately pulls out a pistol and shoots the cat. He can’t have a housecat grow to the size of leopard.
I don’t care what else happens in the movie. Decker has to die a horrible death, preferably involving claws.
He and Margaret inject the baby chimp with the serum from the plant extract. The screen goes wavy, and the baby chimp becomes an adult chimp.
Decker goes back to teaching, making eyes at one shapely student, Sandra Banks (Claire Gordon). He needs a teaching assistant. Sandra blows off fellow student Bob’s (Jess Conrad) offer of coffee to spend more time helping Dr. Decker. ICK.
Dean Foster (Austin Trevor) asks Decker to stop by his office. He wishes to express concerns about certain things Decker said to the press. The two argue. The dean just doesn’t understand Decker’s genius.
Konga receives another injection. When the screen stops wavering, he’s the size of a tall human. He’s also no longer a chimpanzee, but a gorilla. Go figure.
Later that night, while Dean Foster is working at his desk, a talk, dark hairy figure looms outside his window…
Thoughts:
Early in the film, both Margaret and Dean Foster tell Decker he’s spent too much time in the wilds of Africa. He needs a break. Margaret sees the results of his “experiments,” that the chimp grows radically in size and obeys Decker. She understands he’s wound a little too tightly.
Later, when she realizes Decker is using Konga to commit murder, she is appalled—to a point. He convinces her she’s an accessory, but she has her own plans.
One morning as Decker reads his paper, Margaret protests. His response is worth noting:
“If there’s one thing I can’t abide it’s hysteria, especially in the morning.”
The cool, dispassionate scientist resorts to cold-blooded murder at the smallest slight or threat. Was he that touchy before he went to Africa?
Toward the end, there are de rigueur scenes of people fleeing through a cityscape. It’s not Tokyo this time, but London. Of course things end up by Big Ben. I so wanted Konga to climb it.
During a class, Decker shows a film he claims he shot during his stay in Africa. He was lucky enough to bail out with his camera equipment. To my evil mind, that almost sounded pre-planned, but another story for another day.
The film, according the IMDB, is stock footage from Papua New Guinea and surrounding islands, a fair distance from Uganda. But who cares? They’re all black guys in grass skirts, ya know? I confess, there was one instance where I looked away. Decker narrated something about “pet snakes” One guy seemed to be licking the head of a snake. I don’t know what he did. I shut my eyes.
So much was weird and absurd to the point of almost comical that I found myself laughing in astonishment. I doubt it was intended as a comedy. It took itself so seriously that it made itself look silly at times. I rather liked this flick. I can see where others might not see it that way, however.
Try as I might, I could not find the available for download.
Title: Konga (1961)
Directed by
John Lemont
Writing Credits
Aben Kandel…(original story) and
Herman Cohen…(original story)
Aben Kandel…(screenplay) and
Herman Cohen…(screenplay)
Cast (in credits order)
Michael Gough…Dr. Charles Decker
Margo Johns…Margaret
Jess Conrad…Bob Kenton
Claire Gordon…Sandra Banks
Austin Trevor…Dean Foster
Released: 1961
Length: 1 hour, 30 minutes
Not Rated
Review of “Island of Lost Souls” (1932)
This is our Saturday pizza and bad movie offering, a flick that got banned, censored, and clipped back in the day. While there’s no sex or nudity, there is some violence. Mostly, it’s heavy and depicts cruelty. It’s not one for the kiddies.
We watched it with Svengoolie.
Plot:
While traveling to meet his fiancée, Ruth Thomas (Leila Hyams), Edward Parker (Richard Arlen) is shipwrecked. He is rescued by a ship with a load of animals—tigers, lions, dogs, and a gorilla—bound for an uncharted, unnamed island. Because of a difference between Parker and the captain (Parker slugged him when he beat a man serving slop to the dogs.), he tosses Parker onto the dinghy bound for the island.
Isn’t Parker in a fix.
The man in charge of getting the menagerie to the uncharted island, Montgomery (Arthur Hohl), agrees to put Parker up until he can make arrangements to get to Apia, Samoa, where his fiancée waits for him.
As they unload, Parker notices the “natives” all appear a little…odd. Yet, he says little. The owner of the establishment, Dr. Moreau (Charles Laughton), comes out the greet them and welcomes Parker. He, um, has plans for Parker. EWWW.
Thoughts:
This is an early screen adaption of H.G. Wells’ 1896 novel, The Island of Dr. Moreau. Both feature a mad scientist, Dr. Moreau, who creates human/animal hybrids using vivisection and cruelty. The movie ends differently from the book, the latter of which has the Parker character (named differently in the book) spending an extended period of time on the island in the company of the hybrids.
The film is also pre-Hayes code, so it’s freer to take risks with things like sexuality, violence, and other forbidden topics. Outside of the cruelty—mostly implied—there is not much modern audiences will find objectionable. Well, the cruelty and the smoking, of course.
Crazy Dr. Moreau is not going to hybridize Parker. Dr. Moreau is in the business of cutting out evolutionary steps. He views man as the crowning achievement of evolution. He started with plants, getting them to evolve more quickly. He shows Parker his handiwork. Impressive.
Now, he has the ability—well, yeah, it involves a bit of vivisection and a lot of screaming in the House of Pain—but his more recent experiments start with animals and end up with near humans. However, they have this unfortunate habit of “reverting” …
He introduces Parker to Lota. She’s pretty. And scantily clad. Lota likes Parker and doesn’t want him to leave. When he explains that he’s reading a book about building a radio transmitter that will help him send a signal to get him off the island, she grabs to book and tosses it into a reflecting pool. Parker is aghast. He’ll never get to Ruth now. But Lota is kinda cute until her claws dig into his back…
The animal/men (with the exception of Lota, they’re all guys) live in a village of grass huts. The Sayer of the Law (Bela Lugosi—really) recites laws forbidding bloodshed and other prohibitions ending with the refrain, “Are we not men?”
Charles Laughton is a creepy Dr. Moreau—creepy as in take a step back from him. He’s not just menacing but slimy to boot, controlling the help with a gong and a whip. The screams from the House of Pain, where he makes “humans” from various animals, cause him no second thoughts. It almost makes the viewer cheer when karma bites him in the rear end.
I think this is one of the better adaptations of Wells’ book. It speaks not to whether a being is human or animal as much as whether that being can feel and remember pain and thus deserves compassion. Wells himself didn’t think much of the movie. In an interview with Screenland magazine in 1935, he repeatedly called it “miserable” and decried its emphasis on horror.
Although the recommendation has some caveats, this movie is worth watching.
The movie can be watched here.
Title: Island of Lost Souls (1932)
Directed by
Erle C. Kenton
Writing Credits
Waldemar Young…(screenplay) and
Philip Wylie…(screenplay)
H.G. Wells…(novel)
Cast (in credits order)
Charles Laughton…Dr. Moreau
Richard Arlen…Edward Parker
Leila Hyams…Ruth Thomas
Bela Lugosi…Sayer of the Law
Kathleen Burke…Lota the Panther Woman
Arthur Hohl…Montgomery
Released: 1932
Length: 1 hour, 10 minutes
Review of “The Lady with the Gun Asks the Questions: The Ultimate Miss Phryne Fisher Story Collection”
The Stuff:
This is a collection of short stories involving Miss Phryne Fisher, an Australian lady detective of the 1920s. She is independent, knowledgeable, wealthy, and liberated.
This contains seventeen Miss Phryne Fisher murder mystery short stories. IMselddomHO, the short form doesn’t let the mysteries develop as well as the novel. Not all the stories involve murder. Some border on the simply cute. I enjoyed several more than the others. Most of the mysteries hinge on Phryne stumbling on just the right clue or having miraculous insight. Regardless, most of these are a lot of fun.
While I found most of the action in “The Hours of Juana the Mad” improbable, I still found it cute watching Phryne tweak the noses of academia. Phryne and some professors are led on a wild hunt for stolen property, and Phryne’s Latin is sorely tried.
Another one in a similar vein is “The Miracle of St. Mungo.” Our hero is called to retrieve a locket held as blackmail. Can she do it? Silly question. Sometimes, though, there are more important things than mere jewelry.
All but four of the stories appeared in 2014’s A Question of Death. The earlier book contained notes on Phryne’s favorite things—shoes, for example, plus period recipes for food and cocktails. These have been removed for the present book, but it is none the poorer for that. Some editing was done, and typos were removed. The author provides a glossary for Australian slang. The book ends with the first chapter of the latest book in the series, Death in Daylesford.
The book is introduced by a short essay titled “Apologia,” in which the author addresses the reader:
Dear Reader,
Thank you for buying this book (and if you haven’t bought it yet, please do so—I have cats to feed).
Following this is a longer—but still short—section on how the author came to write mysteries and develop Phryne Fisher’s character. It may interest writers more than readers, but it is told with a light touch. I found both these essays engaging and entertaining.
The stories:
“Hotel Splendide”
Mrs. Johnson left her sick husband at the hotel to buy medicine for him. Now no one seems to be able to find him or their room. Phryne steps in to help, even if it means being late to the Nibelung.
“The Voice is Jacob’s Voice”
Two brothers die at a costume party of Phryne’s. The story is written with heavy biblical allusions.
“Marrying the Bookie’s Daughter”
Phryne recovers some lost jewelry and seriously considers marriage.
“The Vanishing of Jock Mc Hale’s Hat”
A football (soccer) coach’s lucky hat disappears. He graciously allows Phryne to look for it at the archbishop’s request. (“What can a sheila do? What use is she?”)
“Puttin’ on the Ritz”
Phryne’s gauche date wants her to recover the pearls he inherited from his mother. His lothario father has given them to his current squeeze. While our hero’s solution is unlikely, it is funny.
‘The Body in the Library”
The body appears (at first glance) to belong to a working girl. The library belongs to Robert Sanderson, MP, who’s been trying to regulate brothels, that is, legalize prostitution. But not all is as it appears.
“The Miracle of St. Mungo”
Phryne’s friend has a favor to ask. She’s committed an indiscretion. She loves her husband, but now the young man in question has a locket with a picture of the two of them. On the back is a quote from Ovid that would be hard to explain. Can Phryne get it back? Natch. But there are things more important than a locket.
“Overheard on a Balcony”
Phryne’s escort has invited the insufferable General Harbottle to a June Christmas party. Harbottle intimidates his meek wife, and then he goes on to Valhalla. So many people with so many motives…
“The Hours of Juana the Mad”
Phryne attends an academic cocktail party on the arm of Jeffrey Bisset, who won her favor after he pronounced her name correctly. He wants to show her a recent acquisition of the University of Melbourne, a book of hours, made for Juana the Mad of Spain. It’s stolen. The thief leads Phryne on a merry chase, leaving clues in Latin and reeking of academia. This was fun, if extremely improbable.
“Death Shall be Dead”
Inspector Jack Robinson asks Phryne to consult on a case. Elderly Albie Jackson has been found beaten to death. He complained someone had shot at him. He’d refused reasonable offers for his house, which was in a state. Now his home is burned, and three people have been found dead inside, sitting around a table as if having tea. Oh, and Jack has taken up poetry. He’s reading Chaucer—“The Pardoner’s Tale.”
Carnival”
Phryne goes to the carnival with Bobby Ferguson, a scion of a major banking family, who is convinced everyone working at the carnival is a thief. He sets out to prove his point.
“The Camberwell Wonder”
The police recover a gentleman’s starched collar with human blood on it. Stevie Slade, a mentally challenged employee of the Clarke family, tells the authorities, “I killed Mr. Clarke.” No one has seen Mr. Joshua Clarke. Stevie’s mother, who works as a cleaner for the Clarke family, swears her son couldn’t do such a thing.
“Come, Sable Night”
This murder takes place among a group of madrigal singers. There is more than meets the eye. The victim is a thoroughly unlikeable person. Everybody hates him, but who did him in? Phryne listens to the music.
“The Boxer”
Wealthy Mrs. Ragnall hires Phryne to find her eight-year-old granddaughter. Her daughter is “lost.” What Phryne uncovers is deeply disturbing and hopeful at the same time.
“A Matter of Style”
Obnoxious Mrs. Ballard accuses Mme. Latour of stealing a scarf while she was receiving services at her salon. Other patrons have had items gone missing. This might be all for Mme. Latour’s business. Phryne uncovers more than just the solution to the missing items. Another unlikely story but fun.
The Chocolate Factory”
Phryne poses for the label of top-notch chocolates. Unfortunately, some nougats delivered to her house turn the stomachs of her adopted daughters. Who could have contaminated the chocolates and why?
The Bells of St. Paul’s”
While out for high tea with her companion and maid, Dot, Phryne notices an odd pattern in the bells of St. Paul’s. She figures it is a code and follows it. This is so unlikely I couldn’t buy it.
Bio:
Kerry Greenwood (b. 1954) is an Australian author and a lawyer. She has published more than fifty novels, plays, and children’s books. Among her most well-known is the Phryne Fisher historical mysteries.
Title: The Lady with the Gun Asks the Questions: The Ultimate Miss Phryne Fisher Story Collection
Author: Kerry Greenwood
First published: 2007; rev. 2022
Review of “War of the Gargantuas” (1966/1970)
Enjoy
This is our latest Saturday night pizza and bad movie offering. I have to confess, after so many movies that I’ve found unpleasant recently, this is the kind of bad movie worth buying pizza for. Silly plot, people running and screaming through the Japanese countryside and then through Tokyo, unconvincing special effects—it was so much fun.
Plot:
One dark and stormy night, a giant octopus with glowing orange eyes attacks a fishing vessel. If that weren’t enough, a huge, humanoid greenish creature (Haruo Nakajima) attacks the octopus. Is he a savior? Alas, no. He sends the ship to the bottom. The crew tries to swim away. Only one (Ren Yamamoto) survives. All that remains of the others is their torn clothes.
The survivor’s tale is barely believed. What were they doing there? Are they smugglers? Nevertheless, the Coast Guard (or, depending to which English version one watches, the Maritime Safety Board) calls Dr. Paul Stewart (Russ Tamblyn), “a Frankenstein expert.”
Dr. Stewart and his assistant, Akemi Togawa (Kumi Mizuno), admit they once had a young “Gargantua” as a scientific experiment. It escaped to the mountains five years earlier. It was a gentle creature and could not be the one causing the havoc.
At the same time, the lab has receives reports from hikers in the Japanese Alps of a Gargantua. Stewart and Akemi head to the mountains while their colleague, Dr. Yuzo Majida (Kenji Sahara) goes to the sea to collect tissue samples from a second unfortunate boat.
The monster attacks Tokyo International Airport from the sea, seizing and (ICK) eating one woman. He spits her clothes out. When sun shines through parting clouds, he runs back to the sea.
The Japanese Self-Defense Forces (JSDF) step in with spotlights and “Maser cannons.” Tank fire does little more than to irritate an already foul-tempered monster. When he’s suffering, a brown Gargantua (Yû Sekita) appears and helps him escape.
Only when the brown Gargantua sees torn clothing lying around and does he realize his fellow monster eats humans. He uproots a tree and slams it into the other’s stomach. The war is on.
Thoughts:
According to Wikizilla, the film was inspired by an ancient Japanese story about two brothers, “The Sea-Boy and the Mountain-Boy.” The two Gargantuas are related, but this is hard to pick up in the film. Cells from the original benevolent brown Gargantua (a Frankenstein offshoot, relating to an earlier film, 1965’s Frankenstein vs. Baragon) sluffed off and grew in the sea.
In the original Japanese version, the two monsters had names. The violent green Gargantua from the sea was named Gaira, and the gentle brown Gargantua from the mountain was named Sanda. Sanda had known a loving environment. Gaira did not and thus turned violent.
While the film is slow at points, it is a lot of fun. The green Gargantua picks up tanks (obvious toys) and throws them into model houses. He gets burned by the Maser cannons—not to mention annoyed—but is hardly mortally wounded. He goes from fearing light to figuring out light indicates “snacks here.”
In one scene, Stewart and Akemi are hiking in the mountains to find Sanda. Faced with fleeing hikers, they realize they’ve met the green, human-munching monster. Akemi slips down the cliffside and hangs from a branch! Stewart says something like, “Hang on. I’ll come to get you,” as he makes his way down.
The brown monster catches her as she falls and places her safely back up on the cliff. Yes, it’s melodramatic, but it contrasts nicely with the green monster’s treatment of the poor woman at the airport.
As must happen, the monsters fight with the military trying to kill them. The military forces focus on the green one. (Empty) buildings crumble around them. The monsters end up in Tokyo Bay. (Slow) splash! Helicopters drop explosives around them. It’s spectacular.
I realize this is not everyone’s cup of tea. I enjoy these and laugh in delight, not derision. Special effects need not be sophisticated to be enjoyable. The special effects are secondary if the filmmaker is telling a good story. On the other hand, no amount of booms and boobs will make up for a lousy story.
Even with all the death and destruction in this movie—a monster eating people—ICK—the story’s moral is one of innocence: treat people with kindness, and they will treat you with kindness in return. The monsters are genetically the same. They behave differently because of how they experienced the world growing up, not because one is inherently evil and the other inherently good.
A corollary moral is: if people hurt others, you have a duty to intervene.
How…square.
This movie can be watched here.
Title: The War of the Gargantuas (1966/1970)
Original title: Furankenshutain no kaijû: Sanda tai Gaira
Directed by
Ishirô Honda
Writing Credits (in alphabetical order)
Reuben Bercovitch…(story)
Ishirô Honda…(writer)
Takeshi Kimura…(as Kaoru Mabuchi)
Cast (in credits order)
Russ Tamblyn…Dr. Paul Stewart (as Rasu Tanburin)
Kumi Mizuno…Akemi Togawa
Kenji Sahara…Dr. Yuzo Majida
Nobuo Nakamura…Dr. Kita
Jun Tazaki…General
Hisaya Itô…Police Chief
Released: Original Japanese release: 1966. English version: 1970
Length: 1 hour, 32 minutes
Rating: G—even with all the death, destruction and people-eating.
Review of “Duel” (1971)
This is our latest Saturday pizza and bad movie offering, Duel, a TV movie adapted from a 1971 Richard Matheson short story of the same name. The extended theatrical release is what’s generally available now. Duel was Steven Spielberg’s feature directing debut.
We watched it with Svengoolie.
Plot:
David Mann (Dennis Weaver) drives his red Plymouth Valiant through the desert of California to meet a business client. He must arrive on time because the client is leaving the next day. Showing up late could cost him the account. On the way, he passes a slow-moving 1955 Peterbilt semi that’s seen better days. The truck overtakes him and drives slowly in front of him. When David passes him again, the truck blasts its horn, startling David.
Later, David pulls into a gas—a service—station (kids, ask your grandparents) where an attendant (Tim Herbert) fills his tank and checks under his hood. The attendant advises him he needs new radiator hoses. David dismisses the notion. Hmmm….
“You’re the boss,” the attendant says.
The Peterbilt pulls into the gas station. The driver gets out on the far side, so David sees only his jeans and boots as he walks around his truck and kicks a tire. Mann calls his wife (Jacqueline Scott) from a public phone (kids, ask your grandparents) to discuss an argument they had the night before. They don’t come to a conclusion, but she tells him, “Just be on time.”
David leaves, figuring whatever was going on with the truck driver is over. When he sees the truck in his rear-view mirror, he waves it on. The truck passes him, then slows down. David sees a “passing lane ahead” sign and decides to bide his time. However, when the passing lane appears, the truck swerves across both lanes, making it impossible for David to pass.
Could it be this guy is something more than an jerk? Could it be that he’s trying to (gulp) kill David?
Thoughts:
This film won and received several nomination for excellence. I can see why. It is a study in escalating tension. When David stops to ask for help, he’s laughed at. No one believes him, and the viewer begins to wonder: is the truck real?
Duel won a Primetime Emmy in 1972 for Sound Editing and received a nomination for (I’m not making this up) Outstanding Achievement in Cinematography for Programming – For a Special or Feature Length Program Made for Television Entertainment. The Avoriaz Fantastic Film Festival awarded the 1973 Grand Prize to Steven Spielberg for this movie. He also won the Taormina International Film Festival 1973 Best First Film award. In 1972, Duel received a nomination for Best Movie made for TV.
The viewer and David see little of the antagonist. We see only a few hints: boots kicking tires, a hand waving David on before an oncoming car nearly hits him, hands and arms shifting gears. We know no more of him than we do of Grendel. We don’t know—but can only guess—that the driver was irritated by David’s passing him initially. But why the psycho reaction? Certainly, he doesn’t hunt down and kill everyone who passes him… or maybe he does?
Dennis Weaver is believable as the hunted man, with tensions at home with his wife and pressure to make this business meeting. Before things get hairy, he listens to talk radio. At the time, it could be silly, if not vapid, entertainment but not the white supremacist recruitment tool it often is currently.
The pursuit scenes are fast-paced and engrossing. How will David get away? Will he? Yet these are interspersed with enough relief the tension is not overwhelming. David becomes increasingly desperate. Just when he thinks he’s safe, he’s deeper in trouble.
Yet the movie is hardly flawless. In one shot, when David is in a phone booth, the viewer can briefly see the reflection of a camera.
Now, with all its technical expertise, and the awards and nomination it received from professional organizations, the only question remains, did I enjoy it? I have to give it a qualified sorta. I read the short story and found it, with its slightly different ending, to be more enjoyable than the movie. Many people disagree with me, of course, and thoroughly enjoyed the film adaptation. I don’t have major gripes. It just felt long. The short story got to the point quicker.
I could not find this available for free download, but it is available for sale for rent.
Title: Duel (1971 TV movie)
Directed by
Steven Spielberg
Writing Credits
Richard Matheson…(screenplay)
Richard Matheson…(story)
Cast (in credits order)
Dennis Weaver…David Mann
Jacqueline Scott…Mrs. Mann
Eddie Firestone…Cafe Owner
Lou Frizzell…Bus Driver
Gene Dynarski…Man in Café
Lucille Benson…Lady at Snakerama
Released: 1971
Length: 1 hour, 30 minutes
Rated: PG
Review of “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” (1988)
This is our latest Saturday night pizza and bad movie offering. God lord. I think I need another glass of wine.
Plot:
While our heroes, Mike Tobacco (Grant Cramer) and Debbie Stone (Suzanne Snyder), are parked along with half the local high school at the “Top of the World,” they see a fireball streak across the sky. It seems to have landed not far from them. Debbie wants to find it. Mike has other things on his mind.
In the meantime, local farmer Gene Green (Royal Dano) is reading a magazine on his porch with his dog, Pooh Bear. Farmer Green also sees the fireball and believes it’s Halley’s Comet.* Believing he’s finding the meteorite will make him rich, he takes a shovel and bucket, and (fatefully) Pooh Bear and heads to the woods, where he finds what appears to be a circus big top, lit up from inside. Now, who would put up a circus in the middle of the woods?
The farmer is the first casualty. Poor Pooh Bear receives a net thrown over him. The perpetrators are klowns dressed up like clowns with red rubber noses, masks, and big shoes. But why do they kill?
Mike and Debbie also find the big top and enter it. They stumble across a labyrinth decorated in bold Romper Room colors and explore. Ultimately, they discover a room where rabbit-foot shaped sacks of what appears to be bright pink cotton candy hang in a storage room. They debate whether this is how cotton candy is stored. (Uh—no.) To prove his point, Mike rips off a piece to reveal a human face. Debbie screams.
When they are discovered, a klown shoots them with a bazooka-looking weapon full of popcorn. But it’s not just any popcorn.
Mike and Debbie go to the cops. Debbie says she has a friend on the force. She doesn’t mention Officer Dave Hansen (John Allen Nelson) is an old boyfriend. No one believes them, but Dave agrees to drive out with Mike they saw the tent. He drives Debbie home. What follows is one of the longest obligatory shower scenes in any movie.
When Dave and Mike arrive, they find only a giant hole in the ground—no circus tents in sight.
Where would a klown go to hide? An amusement park, of course. The security guard challenges the klowns when they climb out of the klown car. They have come armed.
The hapless security guard continues, “What’re ya gonna do with those pies, boys?”
Thoughts:
This is absurdist, gruesome, and satirical. Many elements of the opening are time-honored elements of horror flicks, e.g., The Thing. Men in Black uses many of the same elements to parody.
Everything about clowns and the circus becomes sinister and deadly—yet remains goofy. In one scene, the klowns drive a wildly-colored vacuum truck, picking up their victims. In another context, this would be comical or weird. In the present context, it is ghastly.
One little girl, ignored by her family while they are eating in a restaurant, is enticed by a friendly klown to come outside. The scene induces dread. Will she be lured to her horrible death under the noses of the adults around her? The movie’s play is for the absurdist. The viewer chuckles.
In another scene, a klown amuses soon-to-be victims with hand shadow puppets on a brick wall. His hands are awkward, yet he pulls off convincing shadows, much to the oohs and aahs of his audience. He even manages a reproduction of George Washington crossing the Delaware.
The klowns appear to be immortal. They get up after being struck by a car. Gunfire slows them but doesn’t kill them. They do have a kryptonite vulnerability, and it isn’t yodeling.
However, this movie isn’t for me. I can appreciate the premise, and I loved the absurdity, but I found the acting wooden and the dialogue…ick. Plenty of people disagree with me, however. Most professional reviewers looked at it favorably, and it’s become something of a cult classic.
In fact, the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films nominated it for two Saturn Awards in 1990, one for Best Music (John Massari) and one for Best Costume (Darcee F. Olson).
I generally love dark, absurdist stuff, even if the effects are off and the acting is less than Academy-worthy. If I had to put my finger on one deal-breaker in the film, it was its predictability.
According to Wikipedia, toys from the movie have been available. Universal Orlando has used themes from the film for its Halloween Horror Nights event. A game is available, about which I’m afraid to say I know nothing.
I have been unable to find a copy of the movie for free or even for rent. YouTube will sell you a copy for a mere $14.99. If you are interested in watching it, I recommend checking if your library has or can get you a copy. Yes, I’m cheap.
*Halley’s Comet last swung by in 1986. It, um, doesn’t appear as a fireball. Just sayin’.
Title: Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
Directed by
Stephen Chiodo…(directed by)
Writing Credits
Charles Chiodo…(written by) and
Stephen Chiodo…(written by)
Edward Chiodo…(uncredited)
Cast (in credits order)
Grant Cramer…Mike Tobacco
Suzanne Snyder…Debbie Stone
John Allen Nelson…Dave Hansen
John Vernon…Curtis Mooney
Michael S. Siegel…Rich Terenzi (as Michael Siegel)
Peter Licassi…Paul Terenzi
Royal Dano…Farmer Gene Green
Christopher Titus…Bob McReed (as Chris Titus)
Released: 1988
Length: 1hour, 28 minutes
Rated: PG-13
Reviews of Old and New Stories. Mostly Old 